First post, so here it goes.

Monday I met with my new therapist and a shaman up at Mountain Light Sanctuary in the mountains by Asheville, NC.  This was my second time meeting with her.  We went over my therapy homework and got a better feel for what was going on in my life.  My homework was to go through a list of feelings and say if I felt them all the time, some of the time, maybe, and not at all.  Also had to go though and tell which ones were the big ones and make comments.  It took me a while to do the homework because I didn't want to face my feelings, but I'm glad I did.  At the session, we came up with a mantra for me to say every day, towards those feelings, because most of them are only a tad bit true, but they consume my life.  I just need to rethink how I think them.  Like I'm not that crazy, I just have my struggles.  She made me reenact a conversation between my depression and being happy, and give my emotions colors.  She did the depression part and I did the happy part and it was so hard.  She would say things like "I'm never going to be good enough," which I tend to think is totally true, but I am good enough and I shouldn't base my being good enough on other people's standards.  I've had this constant battle with not feeling good enough for other people my entire life, but I've come to the conclusion that the only person I have to be comfortable with is myself.  Who cares what other people think?  I'll post the mantra later, because I can't remember what it was (thanks lamictal).

I also did some work with a shaman.  She gave me some healing energy and put some in my hands, so when I'm stressing out I can put my hands on my head and have it have the same effect.  I also have my amethyst crystal, to hold on to when things get shaky.

The past couple days I have actually felt motivated to do things, I've been cooking and doing yoga.  Can't do much yet because of my back, but I'll get there.